Lost in translation

I'm a glutton for punishment, me. Only days after getting to grip with the Hull accent, all terbleureurnes and rerds (toblerones and roads) after some four years of trying, I take a job in Grimbo. Totally different accent proposition. Over the last few days, I've overhead at least two people say "it's wam, ennit?" - translation: the temperature is unseasonably high for this time of year, don't you feel my good gentleman? But this phone conversation I had today is my favourite yet. It was a call to our children's services team to talk about Thomas Turgoose, the 15-year-old star of This Is England. Young Tommy is a pupil at Winteringham school in town.

Me: Have you put out a press release about Tommy Turgoose at the Baftas?

Grimbonian: Is that a tournament?

Me: No, it's the British Academy Film And Television Awards, held in London.

Grimbonian: I know what it is, but is it a tournament?

Me: A tournament?

Grimbonian: A tournament, that film with James McAvoy in it. That were filmed in Grimsby.

Loz has been watching: The execrebable Lily Allen And Friends (BBC3) - like a worse Girlie Show, bad interviewing, intolerable crowd (freaks talking about wet dreams and shagging while Lily eggs them on. It's hardly LDN now is it?), and a clearly petrified David Mitchell in the ghastly headlights. It was like 18 Stone Of Idiot, with some Rada lass instead of Vegas.